Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
