I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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