so that wasnt chicken after all
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So squirting runs in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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