i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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