Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He better not be in your backpack
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
