Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
