dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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