this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
