so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
