I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
