In the future we'll all be gay
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
