I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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