We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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