Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...