i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.