Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.