I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
