Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
