Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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