i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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