Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
