she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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