Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
