I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
