we have officially lost it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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