im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
