good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
