it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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