ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
