Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
