when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
