What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
