the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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