Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
