are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
