Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house

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(732): View more from New Jersey

just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.

(1-270): View more from Kentucky

You should've just screamed yes we can!

Fav 52 9480 2015
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(214): View more from Texas

could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?

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(315): View more from New York

The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.

Fav 5 1947 729
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.

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(210): View more from Texas

I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet

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