can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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