Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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