you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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