between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
