Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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