There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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