no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
