I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
