I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
