I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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