he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize