Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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