I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
