you turned your livingroom into a bong?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
