dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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