I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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