Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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