I feel great
I just peed on a car
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
