don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
