I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
