I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
