Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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