cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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