just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
