What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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