We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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