not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
