3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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