I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
