btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize