I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I want to make a zoo with you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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