she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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