She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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