After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
