It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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